Hi guys. This is going to be a long post, but please bare with me. I’ve wanted to explain this for a very long time.
My friend Willow is amazing, and is honestly one of the best things that has ever happened to me. But there was a time, about 2 months ago, when we went through the most difficult patch of friendship I’ve ever experienced.
Once I’m done with this post, I’m showing this blog to her, mainly because we promised we wouldn’t lie to each other again.
Some of you may know this, but to those of you who don’t: I sometimes go by the name Gemma. It’s not my real name, but before this blog, I had another blog where I used that name.
That blog is now deleted. Well, all of the posts are. And I’ll tell you why.
I’ve always trusted Willow. I still do, obviously – she’s regained it, which was bloody difficult for me to do, but she’s gained it back. It takes me a while to forgive people usually – that’s a problem I have. Can’t help it most times.
So I showed her the blog. Gemma, I mean. That was a massive thing for me: I’d only shown one other friend, but I wanted to tell Willow because it was an important part of my life. And Willow understood. She knew how special it was to me and I respect that from her.
Around that same time, Willow started to talk about a Wattpad account she had. A secret Wattpad account that she wouldn’t show anyone. Out of all our friends, I understood the most – Gemma. That’s all I’m saying.
I had a Wattpad. I’ve made a new account now, but that’s besides the point. So this Wattpad: I’d started to write a fantasy story in November last year. I got a really sweet message from a girl called Rosa, saying she loved my stories and she’d stumbled upon them when looking for some good dystopian fiction.
We got to talking. She said that she was from Wales, and was in year 11, so she knew how stressful year 10 was because of exams. She said she could speak both English and Welsh, and that she was writing on her Wattpad to improve her English. Rosa was so nice and I felt like I knew her because she was just so easy to talk to.
Jump forward 3 months. So, Willow was talking about her secret Wattpad. It was outside English that I finally snapped and said, “Look, just tell me the name. You owe me that much.” I said pointedly. That was harsh of me, but really I had just had enough.
“Rosa,” she said. For some reason, that rang a bell. Hmm, I thought. Yeah, I’ll think about that when I got home.
That time came. Now, this part’s a bit blurry. My details are a bit sketchy – you’ll see why in a minute.
I think it was out of curiosity that I looked on Rosa’s Wattpad profile. Perhaps it was a memory from the conversation I’d had with Willow but SOMETHING made me check it. Perhaps I already suspected – I don’t really know.
Her profile. On that, she had a youtube video. Bit of background info: I performed a cover with Willow a few months back and posted it on my youtube channel. Jesus, Willow is an amazing singer.
Right. So I clicked on it. Out of curiosity, I think. And the voice? It was Willow.
I don’t think I’ve ever felt that angry, apart from the times when someone really hurt me. I just remember thinking, “FUCKING WILLOW FUCK.”
I messaged Rosa. “Hi!” I said. “I just want to say, I love your cover you put up on youtube! It’s funny – your voice reminds me so much of my friend Willow’s! You know, Willow’s half-Welsh. She was going to be called Gwyneth.” (Yes I KNOW I spelled that wrong!)
I couldn’t have made it more obvious that I knew if I tried, and she knew that.
I’m ashamed of what I did. Or rather, I’m ashamed of the argument we had. I just couldn’t get over the fact that she had lied to me so much, then contacted me under a fake name.
We’re good now. How could we not be? I got over myself because she’s always been there for me. But we’ll still have that situation to remind us. It’s going to remind us what NOT to do. There is no way I’m repeating what I did, and there’s no way SHE’s repeating what she did.
We talked about it today, actually. In person. I find that difficult; kind of pathetic I know. But we managed, and we hugged afterwards. I’d run through what happened with her.
Thank you, Willow. Seriously. I’m showing you this because you deserve to know, and I’m not hiding again. I know you won’t too (I bloody hope you won’t anyway!).
Love from your best friend,