You Haven’t Changed At All, Elm, and that is Disgusting

Compared to yesterday’s post, this is going to be awful. Awful as in miserable and angry.

I disgust myself.

No – I’m not trying to get pity. I am saying here that I genuinely think I am a horrible person.

I broke two people’s trust today. One doesn’t know about it. The other does.

I don’t EVER think. I make promises and then break them and THEN feel guilty. That’s disgusting.

Elm, you are awful. I hate you. All you do is fish for pity. You should NEVER have loved Ash. You should think before you go whining to people about your problems.

BE SINCERE FOR ONCE, you miserable little bitch! THINK about what you do!

Yes. That’s why Ash isn’t speaking to you. Because you are a promise-breaker and you get too carried away with things to THINK about what they might do! What is WRONG with you? WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU!

You’ve done this too many “times. They’ve forgiven you. There is no point any more. You don’t DESERVE ANYONE’s forgiveness. Even if you want it – you’ll say you won’t do it again, but you will. You’ll “want support” and tell people and BAM, friendship over. JUST LIKE THAT. It’s happened before because you can’t keep your mouth shut and you tell people too much, and they tell people and it gets around and you CAN NEVER take ANYTHING seriously! Think I’m joking? REMEMBER ASH!

I honest to god can’t stand me right now. I don’t know how to fix anything. This post is disgusting and I honestly can’t explain the full story because I promised I wouldn’t.

I am a stupid moron who deserves nothing and THAT is the truth of it. I should never have trusted anyone with anything. My mouth runs away with my brain and that gets OTHER PEOPLE hurt.

I couldn’t care less about myself. It’s other people that I’ve hurt and that is unforgivable. I was too wrapped up in my own feelings for Ash to consider anyone else and I was angry and I do STUPID things when I’m angry. HAH! Sound familiar?

Ash was right, before. Nothing he does is a secret. Now every single person will think I spread those rumours. Stupid bitch. I’M a stupid bitch, I mean.

Well, I’m out. I won’t be very responsive today. Ash will probably find out and hate me and despise me and I deserve it.

From Elm

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46 thoughts on “You Haven’t Changed At All, Elm, and that is Disgusting

  1. Oh Elm.
    I’m not sure if there’s anything I can say to help you right now? So I’m just going to say this: I’m sorry you’re not okay. Whatever happened, no one deserves to feel that way.
    Email me, if/whenever you want.

  2. If you know what’s wrong about you, you have to start changing it. But hating yourself is not the way to go. Work on yourself. You can do it. You are not the person you described in this post. It may be a part of you that you need to improve. But it’s not you in general. You’re a nice and thoughtful person. Otherwise you would not rant about your misbehavior. So, get yourself together and show yourself how awesome you are. Cheer up! Wish you all the best.

  3. FIRSTLY he won’t hate you. No one throws away years of friendship just like that. Secondly, you’re none of the things you mentioned; you’re pretty darn awesome and you’re the kind of person little girls should look up to and want to become

    • I really want to believe you. I’ve agreed to try and get over Ash for my ‘friend’s sake, because she deserves him more than me, and deserves to be happy.

  4. Elm, I’m not sure if I’m a help or not but if you need someone to talk to, just say it and I’ll be there. x

  5. You will evolve from this. This is the starting point for you to go a new way. Forgiveness isn’t always easily given, but you need to do your best to say sorry, and then you can forgive yourself. You can’t force him to forgive, but a strong friendship can withstand a storm, if not it was built on shaky foundation anyway. Give yourself a break, you are human. You are gonna make mistakes, but your gonna do great things to. Your gonna fail, but you are gonna thrive, you’ll stumble and fall. But do not doubt that you will rise. Tomorrow will be better. Life’s meant to be dabbled in, you are suppose to make mistakes so you can learn. You are still the wonderful and brilliant person you were before. Think about this: if Ash had done the same, would you hate him? No. I’m sure he values your friendship just as much as you. Keep your chin up, and never let your tiara fall.

  6. Not Elm anyone but Elm! Don’t be too hard on yourself, we all make mistakes but that doesn’t make us horrible that makes us human and i’m sure they will see that. Personally from what i’ve seen from your blog I think you’re awesome! So cheer up, don’t worry, everything will turn out trust me. πŸ™‚

    • Thank you πŸ™‚ Your comment has really cheered me up, to be honest, especially after I had a sleep on it. You are utterly right and I realise that now. And YOU are awesome too!

  7. Oh Elm, I know I’m replying to this late but don’t think these things about yourself. No matter what happens or what you think you’ve done to mess up NEVER say those things about yourself. You’re and amazing person. We all make mistakes in our lives and friends always come and go, but thats part of life. The mistakes make you who you are. Scars are beautiful and we all have them. Sorry again for the long comment πŸ™‚

  8. Hey!
    Why are you hating yourself?
    This is not the end of the world….
    Everyone does a lot of mistakes in life…and if you dont then you really are god!
    Try to be happy…And look forward to the immense possibilities in life….
    You are awesome!
    Because you are doing a great job!
    I dont know about others but your blogs inspire me and bring a smile in my face…
    You should be proud that at least you are making someone happy…
    And seriously girl,I dont think you are stupid….NOT AT ALL!
    Much love,
    Syntka<3

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