AHA! Sexuality and All That Jazz

Well damnit, it’s time I made a bloody post on this, right?

Coming out is fucking stupid.

No NO – I don’t mean people shouldn’t have to come out as gay, bi, trans, asexual etc. People need labels so people know, and the world is so unaccepting that it’s horrible. “What, you don’t like boys? WHAT! WHAT! YOU SICK-” NO. Just no!

I MEAN THAT PEOPLE SHOULD NEVER HAVE TO COME OUT IN THE FIRST PLACE!

You shouldn’t be straight unless proven otherwise. You should be UNDECIDED UNTIL IT’s CLEAR TO YOU WHICH GENDERS YOU LIKE AND DO NOT LIKE!

This makes me so, so angry.

Why?

Because I’m bisexual.

There. Said it.

I ‘came out’, though not publically. I told people if it came up. I told my friends of course so they’d talk about both girls and boys. But no one else knows – because why should they?

If they assume I’m straight, that’s THEIR problem.

Ugh. I’m going to post later about a small crush I had on this girl – I HATE doing two posts a day; it makes me feel odd.

What are your thoughts on this topic? I hope it doesn’t cause too much controversy.

From Elm

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42 thoughts on “AHA! Sexuality and All That Jazz

  1. Elm, that’s AWESOME! I mean look at it this way, you have twice the number of people to choose from, rather than what a straight person has. That is pretty cool.

    • Haha yup! To be honest, I’m just at the point where I say ‘I don’t give a fuck’. The reason why it wasn’t a massive deal to me is because my area’s pretty accepting – the majority of my friendship group aren’t straight. In America – well, parts of it – it’s absolute hell and I respect that it IS a big deal for many people.

  2. When the topic of asexuality came up in class, most everyone was accepting. Who I told, anyways. But then, there was also the “So you’re a plant?” joke… I think the “all or nothing” kind of stigma surrounding coming out is a bad thing, definitely. “You have to tell everyone; you can’t just tell select people” is a bad way of thinking- coming out to everyone can be dangerous.

    • That’s why I don’t. Getting shit – not shit, exactly – but negativity from one of our friends (you know the one) was literally horrible. I’ve forgiven you for that and you know that. But I know what you mean – if I came out publically right now, people would wonder ‘Where did this come from?’ and then they’d wonder why I didn’t say anything.

      • Yeah. Plus, some people, because you hang around with… you-know-who, would think you were doing it for attention like her. Not everyone; most people would be fine with it, but some.

      • Yesv very true. Though I dislike HER immensely and I think people realise that? Well, a lot of our group don’t actually know. And I’m fine with that, though if they ask I’ll tell them.

  3. I totally agree that “coming out” shouldn’t really have to be a “thing”. I remember watching Tom Daley’s video and he said “in an ideal world I shouldn’t have to be making this video” and I totally get where he’s coming from. In my friendship group one of my friends is gay, the other is bi, but we’re all okay with it. Although I don’t think either of them has told their parents (one of them is from a Christian family so I don’t know when she may or may not tell them). The point is that I think if people feel comfortable “coming out”, then tell people you are comfortable being around because there is this weird stigma about it. That turned out to be a mini essay which is wasn’t meant to be! Haha πŸ˜„

    • No – I loved it! Yes exactly – it just makes me so, so angry how… Sensational it becomes. “I’m gay.” “You’re GAY! OMG! HE’s GAY! I’m so so so so so so so so so SO SO proud of you! You’re so so so so so great now I know you’re gay! Oh my god-” Being gay doesn’t change who you are.

      • Exactly! When my friend “came out” back in January, that was the only real time we discussed it and asked her about it, but ever since I think we’ve all been fairly normal… She hasn’t really changed and our views about her haven’t changed so in a way, it’s like… Well what difference did that make?

      • Yes exactly! I’m still not as accepting as I would have liked to be – I still don’t know much about different gencers – but I’m getting there. I get there by learning. But once I do learn, it makes no difference except that now I won’t be confused at certain terms. The PERSON doesn’t change.

  4. Regardless of what/how/to whom a person feels towards others, their sexuality is not something to judge them for. It’s their business.
    I’d just be supportive and happy for them.
    And for you my friend, I don’t care what you are – that sounds weird to say but like hold on – because all that matters here is that you are a kind, pure person who I genuinely think is brilliant.

    You is the awesome. I am bowing down.

  5. I TOTALLY agree with you!!! I personally don’t really feel the need to come out to anyone (as bi)–yet at least– because it shouldnt have to be something… I don’t know the word/how to explain it but i agree with you. I also just don’t feel like i want to come out now because i have no need to- i’m not in a relationship with anyone, i don’t like anyone, i don’t think i will really need to tell anyone until something starts- a relationship starts (i guess with a girl, because everyone will think it’s “normal” if i start going out with a guy…). It’s weird and complicated, but i agree that no one should have to “come out”- it shouldn’t be assumed that you’re straight! Anyways. Thanks for this post πŸ™‚

    • Thank YOU for commenting! You’re exactly right – I guess I came out because at the time I liked a guy but I wanted my friends to know that that wasn’t just it. I love your comment so much, thank you again πŸ™‚

  6. Yes, I completely agree! Why is it such a big deal? So what if you like girls and guys, it should be treated in the exact same way as if you said you like the colour blue and green. It just shouldn’t be an issue!

  7. I totally agree with you. Like straight people don’t have to be scared about their sexuality so why should anyone else. If someone likes guys or girls or both or neither who cares. People can do what they want and love who they want.

  8. You are absolutely right! People shouldn’t have to make ‘coming out’ such a huge deal, and they shouldn’t feel so worried about it. Who you like should be decided when you actually start liking people, not before! I feel like it’s unfair you even had to write at the end you hoped it didn’t cause controversy… it;s the truth, not something people should be angry about, in my opinion. Be who you are, love who you want. πŸ™‚ Thanks for the awesome post!

  9. You’re so right that I’m jealous of your sheer rightness. I’m sorry this is late but – I’m so proud to know you right now. It’s crazy how many people think sexuality is some massive hoo-hah when really it’s just like preferring macaroni cheese over spaghetti bolognaise. As long as one’s sexual/dietary preferences doesn’t impede on them being a good person, what does it matter? It baffles me. Don’t take nonsense from people who are still living in the last few centuries.

  10. I’m not saying I believe it but there’s like studies saying women are a lot more fluid with their secuality and supposedly are all technically bi or have sexual attraction to other females in some way. I have no idea if this is true, but I have seen it mentioned and cited. But yes, I definitely agree that it shouldn’t be a big deal! The fact that people still use gay as an insult or something negative really annoys me, I mean, what’s negative about it? Haha

  11. Thanks to the hetero-normative world we live in, everyone assumes that you are straight unless proven otherwise! It annoys me so much that we (people who are not straight) have to “come out” but straight people don’t. I mean what’s the big deal, I like people of the same sex or whatever but why do I have to announce that to the world!?

  12. I have two friends who are bisexual. One of them also has a sister who is bisexual and is in a serious relationship with a girl. I completely understand what you’re saying from a bystander’s point of view. Coming out is hard enough without all these people judging you and telling you that what you feel is unnatural. You’re right, you shouldn’t even have to.

  13. I have been having issues trying to figure out who I am, and reading this made me think. It really did. You are absolutely right, these labels are not needed, no one should be considered “Straight” unless proven as you said.

  14. To be honest, sexuality should be irrelevant – it shouldn’t be “newsworthy” that someone is gay. Why there is a general assumption of people’s heterosexuality until proven otherwise is absolutely beyond me. But as we live in the society we live in, it is a pretty big thing, so – congratulations for being so brave! xxx

  15. I agree so, so much! I mean, labels can be nice, it can help you understand people, but for the most part I find it kinda irritating. Like, me. I’ve kinda figured out that I like girls, and guys are just SO CONFUSING LIKE UGH (mainly ’cause most of them in my grade are absolute jerks, except this one guy who I’m friends with so naturally everyone ships me and him which is getting really annoying and sorry for ranting)
    But anyhow I really don’t want to deal with that stuff right now, I guess, ’cause I really have NO EXPERIENCE whatsoever with dating or anything so I guess I just want to like who I like and have no one care? But sadly that’s not the reality. 😦
    Sorry for ranting, just had to get that off my chest, I guess. Sorry! Awesome and accurate post!

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