The Gate Has Opened, The Stoppers Pulled Out, The… I’m just going with it

Posting twice in a row like this makes me feel weird.

So. I got thoughtful today, and that’s never a good sign.

One of my friends has a girlfriend (since about 10:30 this morning). I won’t say which one, because she might not want people to know (NO one from Rl who doesn’t already know reads this but whatever).

I’m extremely happy for them (HOW COULD I NOT BE?) but it got me thinking about my relationship, or lack of.

I have History tomorrow, with Birch. If you don’t know who HE is, he’s the guy with whom I am enamoured. Yes, I like proper grammar.

I’ve had enough.

Tomorrow is the last day. I won’t see him for six weeks.

I’m going to make the most of the hour we have. It’s extremely difficult for me to meet up with people in the holidays for various reasons (blindness, unindependence, living so far away from everyone) so that’s all I can do.

Tomorrow, I’m going to… Make my feelings clear. I’m still too scared of getting rejected to actually ask him – here’s why – and so, I won’t tell him outright. However, he should catch on.

I don’t care any more. Who cares if I get hurt? I want him to know. I want to savour what I HAVE and hold onto that. It’s what I SHOULD do, anyway; I need to live a little.

Perhaps I’m feeling suffocated now; I’m not sure. All I know is that I’ve just had enough of doing NOTHING.

For those of you wondering – yes, there will be banter. By banter, I mean…. What might be construed as ‘flirting’ if you are ANYONE who is not me. Yup. I feel like such a… I don’t even know.

But I need your advice. Should I do this? Should I just let go, for an hour?

CRAP! What if he’s not there? Literally what if he’s not there? What if something else goes wrong?

If he’s not in History tomorrow, I’m telling him how I feel.

Oh god. I’m going to have to hold myself to that, aren’t I?

I’m scared; just a little. Please help? This has turned into an Elm-freaks-out-completely moment.

THANK YOU! πŸ™‚

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35 thoughts on “The Gate Has Opened, The Stoppers Pulled Out, The… I’m just going with it

  1. Well if you really want to get it over with then go for. Have one of those little explosions of emotions tomorrow. Actually I don’t know because I tend to stay away from this sort of thing

  2. This has been on your mind for a very long time now – or so I think. I think it’d be best to go for it now. It’ll make you feel slightly better that at least you got it off your mind. And, if it comes to rejection, unfortunately, we all gotta face it sometimes. But, then again I have absolutely no experience in this whole dating/relationship department. Wish you luck:)

    • Thank you so much! πŸ™‚ I’m going to completely turn off the “NO DON’T ACT LIKE THAT” messages from my brain tomorrow. Just BOOM.

  3. I think you should tell him how you feel! It’s very brave of you to decide to do this, and it’s the right thing. Otherwise, you’ll spend the rest of your teenage years thinking, “what if?” I know that you’ve experience heartbreak and pain before, which might scare you, but it’s better to let him know how you feel instead of drowning in unspoken emotions. Good idea, Elm!

  4. I say go for it. Personally, I’d be too much of a wimp, but then I’d end up regretting it. And if he doesn’t feel the same, then hopefully he’s a man and AT LEAST is polite about it. If he’s not, you don’t deserve him. But fingers crossed he feels the same!

  5. Aww, Elm. You sound….happy. And if Birch makes you happy, you should definitely go for it! I wish you the absolute BEST of luck and can’t wait to hear all about it! ❀

    • Thank you, and of course I’ll let you know how it goes! πŸ™‚ I’m a bit annoyed though because he’s giving me one-word replies on messenger and he just seems annoyed? I haven’t seen him in 2 weeks and I’m going to leave it until tomorrow, I think.

      • Ah yes, I would if I were you. From personal experience, pressuring someone who was irritated only got me answers I didn’t like :/ I hope all goes well tomorrow! *crosses fingers and blows kiss* πŸ˜‰

  6. Your making yourself panic with all the ‘what if’s’. Right, shut the fuck up and stop okay( just banta, sounded rather rude :D.) No more ‘what ifs’. NO! Stop. Right, just come clear to him. When someone finds out that someone else has feelings for them they honestly find it flattering in some respect. When I found out someone liked me I found it all so nice, and I loved the feeling, even though I did not like that person very much. So I know :).
    You don’t even have to ask them to date you or whatever, just say that you like him. Then he is not able to reject you right? Just remember at the end of the day, who actually cares if everyone finds out. You? Oh well, you shouldn’t care. Just ignore it, if everyone dose find out you like him, or even if your get rejected. Do not think about it, don’t bother. There are soOOo many people who get rejected. I am pretty sure almost everyone gets rejected in the life at some point. And ‘no’ can mean ‘not now’, so don’t take a ‘no’ as in ‘no not ever ever ever ever’.
    Good luck!
    Email me tomorrow and tell me how it goes x

    • Crystal. I love you. That comment slapped me in the face but in the best way. THANK YOU, you amazing, amazing human. You’re so right. And of COURSE I’ll email you tomorrow! πŸ™‚

      • Everyone needs a good slap in the face sometimes, even the best of people πŸ˜‰ xoxo ❀

  7. Alright honestly Elm, if my two cents count for anything (wth, I sound like my world lit teacher), then go for it. Just tell him. You won’t see him for six weeks. If you don’t tell him now, while you’ve got at least some courage, you won’t ever do it because you’ll just keep coming up with excuses for yourself until it’s too late and he’s already fallen in love with someone else, or even completely left your life. Tell him. So what if you get rejected? I know it’ll be hard to take another blow, but think about it this way: if he’s gonna reject you now, he’ll most likely reject you if you tell him later as well. So get it over with. And if you don’t tell him at all, well, reference my previous miniature list of consequences. This is not my division (that Sherlock reference was so deliberate. I felt cool for a full five seconds) but good luck.

    • THANK You! Screw it; I think I will. I’m going to see how it goes today in History, then tell him later. Because real life is just… I just can’t. But seriously, your advice is amazing. πŸ™‚

  8. Please just do it! You have had it tough and it’s time you stood up! Birch may even reciprocate with the feelings, who knows?! You are such an awesome, inspiring, beautiful person, and you deserve to be happy πŸ™‚
    xx

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