Well I’m Single

I don’t really care how stupid and cliche this sounds but I’m actually crying my eyes out as I write this.

I’m single. Well that was the fucking shortest relationship ever. *claps* WELL DONE, ELM! YOU REALLY KNOW HOW TO KEEP A BOYFRIEND!

Some of you already know this, but yesterday, I told my boyfriend about my history with self-harm and things like that – let me stress that said history is nothing serious at all and I refuse to pretend it is. And he was a bit weird with me after that and said he had to think on it. Me, being me, had a complete freakout on the kik chat and was convinced he was going to break up with me.

Sorry to all of you that had to witness that.

Anyway. I was right, but not for the reasons I thought. This morning, I messaged him and we had a short, polite conversation. I then apologised for saying what I’d said the night before, and he sent me this:

Ok listen
this isnt coz of what you told me, i’ve been mulling over this since wednesday. I was going to use what you said yesterday as an excuse but I thought the truth would be better. The fact of the matter is, I like you, I really do. you are cute, sweet, funny… But i just don’t feel a connection to you elm. You’re like… a really good friend but… i just dont feel it. I’m happy to talk to you over skype or the phone bt i wasnt sure of your reaction. So, yeah

I feel like complete, complete shit.

The only respite I can get from this is that he told me, and he told me the truth.

But the truth is that I’m hurt and I’m in so much pain. I liked this guy a lot and I hoped I could be happy, but that didn’t happen.

This year had been the worst of my life in terms of relationships. You guys remember Ash and all the rest of it. After that, I needed a break, and I got that for 2 weeks.

2 weeks.

Pathetic.

Part of me is trying to tell me that I deserve this, and that I’m disgusting and that I should never have trusted him. I hope I’ve learned enough to ignore that voice.

I CAN move on from this, because I wasn’t in love with him.

It’s just starting again that’s the problem. Picking myself up and having the energy to try not to rebound, but failing and getting hurt over and over again.

This isn’t my fault. This isn’t his fault. I don’t hate him at all but I’m still really hurt and I just want to scream. I’m at my mum’s house and she didn’t even know about the relationship so I can’t cry like I want to.

I’m sorry, guys. I’m not doing well at all. It’s just got too much and I know that I’m going to have reminders like with Ash and it’s going to be difficult.

To the bloggers on the kik chat, thank you so much for helping me. You were there directly after it happened, and you’ve always supported me. That means so much.

I did a post on regrets a little while ago but for this, the only thing I’ve got is pain. Maybe I’ll have something else to go along with it soon.

It still hurts. I’m going to have to throw myself back into the world, and I haven’t even thought about what will happen when I get back to school with Birch. I don’t even want to.

I’m not in a distructive mood. That’s stopped, I hope, but I still feel terrible as shit and I just want to give up. But I won’t. I promise you that.

Sorry again. I really hope you don’t mind me whinging on about this. I guess I just missed an opportunity. Oh well, whatever.

I’m not coping, but I will. I’m not happy, but I will be.

From Elm πŸ™‚

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94 thoughts on “Well I’m Single

  1. All I have to say is fuck him really. I mean I have the whole ‘screw people that are dicks’ thing going on and get over things easily but for you that might not work as well. I think you just need to remember that for one clearly he wasn’t worth the time if he had to ‘think’ about someone having a history of self harm, i mean, that isn’t something that should bother someone and make them need to ‘think’. Besides, relationships and crap aren’t all that. If they’re all dicks then ignore them because royalty deserved better

  2. Oh, Elm! I’m sorry you feel this way. Maybe he’s just not for you and you deserve better. I’m always here if you need to talk or some advice.

  3. I don’t know if I’m the best person to give relationship advice to, seeing as I’ve never been in a relationship before but I will say this: the fact that he had to think over something that happened in the past is ridiculous. And he was going to use that as an excuse? I know he told you the truth in the end, but I’m annoyed at him for thinking about lying to you. You don’t deserve that! Relationships can be really difficult, but you’re young and a lot of people have been telling me lately that “things happen for a reason”. This guy doesn’t sound like the right guy for you, so just enjoy the freedom of being single for a little bit! (Join the singles club!! πŸ˜‰ ) Someone better will come along eventually who’ll appreciate you and won’t have to “think things over” when you tell them about your past.
    Keep your head up bro πŸ™‚

    • Thank you sos os much πŸ™‚ Your advice IS good, so don’t doubt it! Yeah, I think you’re right; there are just some people who aren’t meant to be with you.

  4. Sorry about your breakup. It never seems to get any easier. The sunny side is that he told you and didn’t string you along for years.

    I try to think of each relationship as a learning experience.

    Take care of yourself. I’m sorry you’re in pain.

    • Thank you so much; your support means a lot to me. I’m really glad he did tell me, because otherwise I wouldn’t be able to cope. You’ve so right about a relationship being a learning experience; I just have to figure out what I’ve learned.

  5. Oh man, I want to say what a dick for not realising how awesome Elm is 😀 but I don’t think that’s what you want to hear right now ): I wish I can give you a hug but a *virtual hug* have to do. And it’s really his loss , because you are an awesome individual and I just know there’ll be another who’ll treat you the way you deserve to be treated and it’s just not this guy …

    Treat yourself to an icecream and watch loads of movie to take your mind off him. It’ll take time but you’ll be okay xx

    • Thank you so much πŸ™‚ You’re so, so amazing and thank you so much for being here. I hope you’re right about the fact that someone will come along and be right for me, but for now, icecream sounds good.

  6. Aw, there will don’t even doubt for one second okay, you’re an amazing personπŸ’– And yes eat ice cream until you’re sick of it, I heard it’s a good break up food(:

  7. I have two really close friends who both self-harm and I try to understand that they do it because it’s the only way they think they could cope with their problems. So I feel for you and am angry with him (sending virtual death glares his way).
    You deserve better than someone who would dare reconsider your relationship after knowing something like that about you. The good thing here is that he came clean early and didn’t make you go along for a long time. I’m really sorry about your breakup. I hope you’ll be okay. πŸ™‚

    • Thank you so much. I think I will be okay, if not now then soon. You’re right – I’m so glad he didn’t string me along. You’re a wonderful human being and you give the best support πŸ™‚

  8. I know this might sound so cliche but -going off of the nice things you both had to say about each other- I think you could still be friends. I’m sorry that you feel so bad but just know that it’s not your fault. I think the quote, “You can’t have rainbows without rain” is relevant at this point. One day, you’ll find the person you’re supposed to be with and be (I don’t know if grateful it the right word?) thankful, maybe for these experiences as a learning curve. Oh and it’s okay to cry -it helps!
    Hope you feel better soon (:

    • Thank you so mjuch! Your advice, and support, is so lovely. You’re right – a lot of people have said that also and it’s finally starting to register in my mind that you’re right.

  9. I’ve got great news for you Elm.
    1.You have access to music.
    2.You have access to food.
    Those are the two most important things in life. The guy I’m obsessing over hardly looks in my direction anyways and with god’s grace, I’m somehow living with it. Things will go on the way they have to. Stay strong, we’re all here for you!

  10. i think we are on the same boat…boyfriends always leave when you need them the most…this is sad truth. when i was struggling to find a job, mine left me to…i still feel like shit. I keep saying to myself that “It could be much worse than that”.

      • well, i hope we will find boyfriends who is gonna be with us in both good and bad times, no matter what. All we need is patience πŸ™‚ now, you have got more free time. So, you can start something new ( meet new people, find new hobby) . I am currently hitting gym like crazy.

  11. So there’s a ton of comments that well, say everything really.

    And I’m going to sound so cliche but it’s sad that you had to go through all of that but trust me, it isn’t the end of the road. And it does get better. Maybe not in a few minutes, because then we’d all be snapping our fingers and everything would be alright again. But eventually it will.. and the guy is a total douche for doing that! -.-

    Anyway, if you ever need to talk, I’m here for you πŸ™‚

  12. Oh No! Don’t worry! You’ll get over it!
    And just remember…
    ALL THE SINGLE LADIES, (ALL THE SINGLE LADIES) ALL THE SINGLE LADIES (ALL THE SINGLE LADIES) NOW PUT YOUR HANDS UP!… *waves hands like a crazy mad woman* πŸ™‚
    Sorry if that’s a bit insensitive… Just trying to make life a little more positive! πŸ™‚
    I’ve never ever had a boyfriend btw…. So I’m not too sure on how this really feels…
    Hope you’re feeling better soon! Being single is better than being in an uncomfortable relationship!
    πŸ™‚

  13. Honestly I can’t say I know how you feel because I have never had an experience like yours but I was worried about you the whole time I was out with my family looking for a new sofa. It was so horrible of him to do that to you, but as you said at least he was honest. Pick yourself up and move on, people like him aren’t worth stressing and crying over Xx

  14. Oh gosh, Elm… I feel so sad reading this. Holding onto a wish and then having it shattered right in front of your eyes, again and again… I’ve had enough experience with that. Just… try and be strong, please. I know that sounds really lame but… it’s the best I can come up with right now. Unfortunately, my own life’s a complete mess at the moment. :/

  15. I`m not going to say what everyone up there said. I`ll just be honest, haha! And talk from experience. That guy was stupid and if he had to get away and think for himself for a little while because he wasn`t sure whether he should be with a self-harmer or not, he`s not no love to give to you. But, I believe you should have told him these things about him BEFORE you guys even decided to get together. At least that`s what I would have done. Please don`t think you`re at fault, because it doesn`t matter, in the end. One should help, not run away, but some people should know before and not later, considering what just happened.

    I believe in saying no if I have feelings for someone! Hahaha, okay, I`m so aware that sounds lame, but when I look at this world, I understand. Say no, and if he/she takes care of you, is there for you and keeps showing love to you despite everyting, I believe he/she is the right one. People who go all like “Oh, okay, I`ll just hook someone else up in 2 weeks time”, ain`t someone I`d be with. Hopefully you get what I mean, haha! I know this sound insane, but if I have done this before, I`d have saved myself from some heartbreaks. But after all, everything happens for a reason! πŸ™‚

    Take care of yourself, Elm. Please don`t blame yourself and call him stupid names for all you want. I`m sorry you had to experience something like this. . Or maybe I`m not.

    One day you`ll look back at this day and SMILE. β™₯

  16. Hey Elm,
    Jeez. I really hate seeing you like this. I am so, so sorry. At least he told you now and not later, before you really did fall for him.
    He’s just not the right guy. You’ll find him. You WILL. Keep hoping, and waiting ❀
    And of course, feel free to em me at any time. I've been through the same thing quite a few times by now, and it sucks, I know :/

  17. U know what, I mean he is an absolute idiot for breaking up with an amazing girl like you but at least he did it quickly because if the relationship had gone on for ages it would have hurt even more. But I hope you feel better soon x x

  18. He’s a twat! That’s what he is. But you…you my friend are amazing and beyond beautiful in so many ways! You’ll find some one better, someone who deserves you and everything that comes with you being the wonderful you. I’m sure of it!

  19. Q: Who the hell would break up with Elm?
    A: THIS IDIOT GUY.
    I am so sorry this all happened but I’m proud of you for telling him about your issues with self-harm and being honest about yourself. And like you said a couple of posts ago, this could be a learning experience maybe? Hope you feel a little brighter soon. πŸ™‚

  20. I am so sorry!! * BIG HUGG!!* I think you should be so proud of yourself, you opened up and told him the truth about you and the thing is you can’t control the way people react and what they do but you can control what you say and do and for you to open up was brave and you shouldn’t feel pathetic because YOU ROCK! πŸ˜› I am not the best when it comes to like relationship advise and love stuff ( because my love life is pretty non-existant xD ) but I know that were you and that is what matters! You got a family here that will always be here for you ! πŸ˜€ ❀

    • Damnit, you’re such a lovely person! πŸ™‚ Thank you so much; I know my family on here will be here because you guys are the best.

  21. Elm my darling I’m so sorry. Honestly it’s very sad what happened to you but I am happy that he at least told you the truth. I know you were worried on kik that he was going to freak about the whole thing but it was nice enough of him to at least be honest with you. Don’t be worried elm someone is right for you.

  22. If this makes you feel better, let me tell you I have the Guiness authenticity in having the shortest relationship.
    At 12:48 in the night SHE proposed.
    At 9:30 the next morning SHE said, “I don’t want a relationship with you”.

    It was so short that I don’t even call that a relationship.

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