Okaaay: this may seem like a miserable post, but it’s not: it’s a bit of an update and a thought process, you know?
Today, my friend Pine moved to the opposite end of the playground with her friend Daisy because some people in our group were irritating them. I think it was more Daisy’s decision but Pine went along with it.
This seems quite immature for me to be upset about, but I’ll explain: our friendship group is quite close. We’re all in our separate LITTLE groups, but together we’re a community and we work Pine’s always been a big part of that, I guess, and to have her gone is just going to be urgh. It’s been building up, but I suppose I’m just a bit sick of people fucking off. Also, our group’s… Right, we’re NOT popular at all. Some people like us and a lot of people hate us find us weird, so I guess I’m just sad that she’s left because I feel like she’s thinking we’re freaks/not good enough.
I’M NOT. Well, I’m more okay then I was.
If you’ve seen my “Who’s Who, Exactly?” page, you’ll know that Pine is my first friend from secondary school and that we’ve always stuck by each other. Even if she didn’t mean to do this or for it to have an effect, it was like a kick in the stomach, because this is exactly like what Maple (ex-boyfriend who was friends with Pine for 10 years and moved away from our group after he broke up with me which is understandable but eh long story) and Willow did.
Yah. It’s like a slap in the face, but I’m okay with it.
It’s funny because when one of my other friends told us, I was sitting next to Red. I said “Oh,” turned to him and there was just something in my face, my posture, my tone that screamed “FUUUUUUUCK!” and he picked up on it. I’m so damn glad. I think I just sat there for a little while; you know those friends who just KNOW what’s going through your head? Yup.
Speaking of Red, he and I had an in-depth conversation about Ash today, because I’d had French a few lessons before lunch and needed to talk. Thank fuck. I’m so glad I got it out of my system.
Honestly, I really am fine. I’m adopting my new mantra of “I’LL BE HAPPY!” and this whole thing hasn’t dragged me right back down as it might have before, but rather I just took a bit of a tumble and I can get up.
But my abandonment issues and paranoia are kicking in, big time. As in VERY bad.
Willow was there for me today. Thank god; I know she hasn’t got a problem with me. I needed that. I know Pine doesn’t, either, but I’m still quite hurt, though it ISN’T her fault at all and she most likely thought nothing of it.
EEK! I’m going to have a poem up on le writing blog soon, once I get my maths homework done.
Thanks for all your support.