Just to let you know, I’m still in self-loathing mode and I feel too weak to write, but writing does help. I’m not going to dwell over the past week, but instead I have something I wrote and I hope you like it.
When I love, I love with everything I have.
My heart beats fast and I’m hyper-aware of everything: every conversation, every stolen moment of feeling happy, every silence that holds a thousand words.
When I fall in love, I feel my heart shattering and stitching back together constantly, in a rhythm that’s as familiar to me as the lines on the palm of my hand.
When I love someone, I’d do anything for them: I’d run miles; I’d forgive them for hurting me over and over again; I’d continue to feel loyalty to them even when they hate me. I’d never be able to truly hate them, and I’d set aside time for them whenever, even if that means being an awful person to everyone else – which is awful, but it’s how I was and might be. I’d always be affected by them, whether in a good or bad way.
When I fall in love, I treasure every moment and lock it away, even if it might hurt me later. My heart beats with those memories, and I would never betray them intentionally.
When I’ve loved someone, even if guilt creepsup on me, I had those feelings.
I’ve only ever loved one person – truly, truly fallen in love with them. There has only been one person who I’ve held that emotion for, where I’ve honestly been shaken by the force of it; my mind’s only been devoted to that one person and I’ve never had anything like it before or since.
Even for that, I know how I am when I fall in love, and it’s not all bad.
From Elm 🙂
PS: I’m so damn sorry I haven’t accepted any awards or read many posts. I just feel so bloody drained 😦