That’s a Funny Feeling

I was reading when I started to contemplate love, AGAIN, and that’s a rare thing for me, because I hardly ever sit myself down and truly THINK about it. Does that make ANY sense?

I’ve been in love once before, with Ash – my previous best friend who despises me now; it’s a long story. That feeling was the most terrifying and confusing emotion I have ever felt: it threw me into the waves, brought me high on a crest, spun me round and round and buffetted me until I was black and blue all over, and though it hurt it was the most exhillerating sensation. I KNEW when I was in love – and a year ago today, I was, and I can’t shake the feeling that’s ironic. Not IRONIC, but weird, and I’ll explain why.

You remember Aspen And if not, then just click on his name, and have a look at that post because I’m a lazy bastard – at least I have the motivation to do this post, damnit!

I am not in love with Aspen.

Yet.

And that, guys, is what scares me – the “yet” part. Because these feelings have grown within TWO WEEKS of knowing him, not by my choice, and it’s NEVER a choice when I get feelings for someone, or how fast those feelings grow. I’m so scared that they’ll run away with me, sweep me along with them, and I can never do anything about them. Ignoring those feelings just makes me even more terrified.

He’s in Iceland until Monday on a geography trip, and our messages last night were lovely and made me realise how much I cared for this boy. I’m starting to think that he feels the same way about me, but this doubt is ALWAYS there, creeping into my mind, never letting me go.

All the clues point to it – Wren, Ashe, Red, EVERYONE has told me that – and I’m starting to believe it. I’m starting to think he DOES, and I can’t do that, because getting my hopes up just brings them crashing back down. I won’t think about that.

Wren said to me, in English, “It’s fucking obvious you think he’s into you!” And she’s right, actually. I DO, and I’m hoping, but is he “into me” because I’m a GIRL, or because I’m me?

I won’t dwell on it. I want to be happy, but I’m scared that I’ll get feelings too fast, or that he doesn’t feel like I do. I want things to go right, for BOTH of us, however that may be.

Thank you so much for reading. I guess I’m really happy right now, even if I have a mountain of homework to do.

From Elm πŸ™‚

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23 thoughts on “That’s a Funny Feeling

  1. Mountain of homework?!!! Same as me….I am just procrastinating though!!! I got:geography, history, maths, science, art. And they are all big pieces which would make my report good or bad so yeah, better get to it soon:) Is yours hard?
    bye
    till later
    mahjabeen

    • OHHHH, that’s crap! 😦 I feel so sorry for you. And I only really have ONE major piece of homework, but it’s a 45 minute English essay on poetry.

      • Yep totally shitty crap!!! Hows your day? mine was good at lunch, where me and my friends went to an afro carribean funday/bazaar in school conference hall, there was a really good dance and loads of fun activities and stalls!! Apart from that, not so good, 2 tests, one science ( even though I really enjoy science!)and the other is computing which i kinda hate !!!
        bye for now, better get to a whole new pile of homework:D
        mahjabeen

    • I quite agree. Thanks so much for the comment; I think the best thing about love is not the situations that happen, but the feelings you have.

  2. Go Aspelm!! πŸ™‚ I get the way you feel like you don’t want to get attached too fast – maybe because you want to know you can trust him and so that you can wait to see if he feels the same, right? Anyways, I don’t think you should stop yourself from liking him because like you said there’s not really any choice with these things – if it happens, it happens and the feelings you get usually are amazing so you should enjoy them! πŸ™‚ I certainly hope he likes you as well!!

  3. That’s so cute and I’m sure he likes you although your right about controlling your feelings because I have absolutely no control over mine and the thing about falling in love with your friend is, if he breaks your heart he won’t be there to pick up the pieces. Although unlike me you probably have a best friend for that! Good luck with Aspen I’m rooting for you guysβ™‘

    • Awww, thank you πŸ˜€ And BAH, you’d be surprised; often I’ve had to pick the pieces up by myself. But honestly? If bad things start happening to you, you can always talk to me, or post on your blog πŸ™‚

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