Going into Depth Makes me Want to Cry

Okay no. I wrote this post just now and it was terrible so I’m doing it again.

I’m not okay in the slightest; I won’t lie. Originally, I wrote a horrible post about how I wanted to die and that’s still in technicality true, but it’s not as manic as it was before.

Yeah. I’m not good. This is a stupid thing to say but PLEASE don’t worry – it’ll pass, I promise. How can it not – i’m me, after all. Whining about this makes me feel selfish and shit so I’ll try not to.

I feel guilty. I’ve cried a lot over homework and feeling horrendous and the fact that I took some of it out on my dad when he’s done nothing. But NO – I need sleep. I have this awful feeling surrounding me that I can’t get rid of and I’m so tired of everything.

Tomorrow, this will pass. I went psychotic towards myself earlier but it’s okay. I’m managing, and that’s the important part.

If you read my previous version of this post, I’m sorry for that. It was unpleasant to say the least. I still have those thoughts, but I’m scared I’m just crying for help like some pathetic loser.

Are you guys okay? I’m sorry that this kind of thing has basically become my blog. I didn’t mean for it to.

Your comments are what keep me going, honestly. Thank you for that.

From Elm πŸ™‚

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74 thoughts on “Going into Depth Makes me Want to Cry

  1. Elm you’re awesome and you should know that. They’re are so many people (like me) who look up to you. I know these days will fade away and one day you’ll look back and just laugh about it. I’m sure your dad understood you cuz after all,he is your dad. I totally feel you. And I hope things will get better πŸ™‚

  2. I want to give you lots and lots of hugs! I went through a really rough spot a couple of years ago where I was feeling suicidal, but I’m okay now and am actually more positive because of it. I guess what I am trying to say is that you will get through it. We are all here to support you and don’t apologise for a second- if we want to read it, we will. If we don’t then your not exactly forcing us to now are you? Keep as positive as you can and email me if you want someone to talk to!! Lots and lots of love, Keira x

  3. You’ll get through it Elm, because that’s the strong person you are. One day you’ll look back on this and see how it’s shaped you and how it’s made you even stronger. Sorry but I don’t know what else to say, anyways I really hope this helps and you’re feeling okay soon. xoxo

    • The fact that you’re actually here to help me helps – it might be simple, but it’s true. I’m just waiting until I can bounce back from this.

  4. I have these thoughts and feelings too but mine circulate around self harm not death. I feel you and truly truly boxing helps! hell any sport helps! a hobby or activity that is time consuming helps. try something to take your mind off these destructive thoughts cause I don’t know where i am going to find another blogger who is me but not me…… if you get that!

    • I totally get that, yeah, and thank you! I think I should take up climbing or judo again. If the thoughts ever get too consuming, just tell me; I’m always here. I really do mean that.

  5. Elm, you are such a strong person, you’ll get through this! You are honestly such an inspiring blogger. You care so much about everyone and try to help us all. Your problems are valid and you are allowed to talk about them. We are here to help. Sleeping does help, so try to get some rest. I’m here if you want to talk, don’t hesitate to write me an email. Take care and I know that you’ll be okay soon. We’ll all be okay.

  6. please don’t act on that ‘ dying’ thing . The world needs you . I definetly need you here in the blogging community . I want to really see us both blogging in one , 5 , 10 years chearing eacth other on and enjoying life . I’m so glad I’ve met you and I’ll support you for as long as you’re blogging .
    I really like you and I want you on my side in rebel camp okay ? πŸ˜€

    • Yeah, exactly πŸ™‚ You’re great. I just find it tricky, you know? But I don’t think I want to die as much as I did before. It’s still there, but it’s getting better.

  7. bad days, bad months. we all have them at some point. just don’t do anything drastic because I don’t know whose blog I would read if you werent posting anymore… think of the children

  8. I’m sorry you feel like crap. I feel you on the homework (I mean, slightly different, mine’s just A LOT) because before the winter breaks, all my teachers pile at least two sheets of work per night plus long term stuff. Then I have had all sorts of things I’ve missed and it’s just crazy stressful. Ugh. Feel better soon- I hope I do too.

    • I really hope you do, because you deserve to. Just hang in there, Evi πŸ™‚ We’ll manage, even though it’s tricky. Thank you so much for your support, you amazing girl.

  9. Sorry to hear your not at your happiest but your strong and you can get through this rough patch. Everybody has their bad patches and you gotta just keep pushing through, there isnt need to feel guilt and its absolutely okay to cry,just try your best to stay hopeful and positive( im bad with advice but im always here to support you when you need it) we are all here to help you when you need it elm. Stay hopeful.

  10. Only just met you but you’re one of the loveliest people I know on here! I and everyone else are all here for you if your need us..I myself have been in your position before and completely understand your feeling so if you ever need to talk I’m here.I promise, even if things are shit now, they will get better x

    • You’re lovely, you know that? I’m SO glad I found your blog. I might take you up on that offer to talk – and likewise to you, if you ever need anything, I’m always here. I wish I could pay back to you what you’ve given me, because that means a lot to me.

  11. Honestly (Isn’t this how I start very comment nowadays… haha) it seems as if even though our uplifting comments help you feel better in general, they don’t help you feel better about yourself which is the problem. Me telling you you’re beautiful won’t convince you that you are (even though it’s true).
    I’m not saying the comments aren’t helpful, I mean they help the positive outlook which can alter your own opinion and you deserve to hear it too.
    In the end, I guess my main point is that we can’t convince you of anything, so if you need to rant or scream or eat twelve cookies to have a slightly more positive outlook, then do it. And don’t apologize. If we can’t see you ask your worst we don’t deserve to see you at all. Do whatever will HELP you and I’ll be right here if I can assist in any way. Love you E!

  12. All I will say, and I always do to you, Elm, is stay strong, Elm, you are better than that. Things get hard, but you will get through it 😊

  13. We will always support you elm!!!!
    Your blog is awesome and when the teachers are setting u tons of h/w then imagine hitting them with a large wet fish!
    I promise it helps!
    With the workload, write lots of lists, it feels so good to cross the bits you’ve done out!!!
    Luv
    GeorgieGrl

  14. You are really amazing, hard working and strong Elm. You said it’ll pass, and yes, it most probably will. However, you should also learn from your experiences. They will make you even more stronger in life. And remember- you CAN and WILL get through it. Why? Because you DESERVE to be happy.

  15. It seems as if we are sailing the same boat, and it’s not a good one. One day that boat will find land, and everything will be over, and we won’t feel this way anymore.

    Don’t worry elm, I am here for you, as always xx

  16. Okay Elm. I order you to go and make yourself a cup of your preferred hot beverage and grab a pen and paper. Then write down every single even slightly good thing about yourself/that anyone has ever said about you. Maybe then you will realise how BLOODY FABULOUS you are. xxxxxxxx

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