That Awkward Moment When You Nearly Delete Yourself

I wasn’t having a good day today, and the thought of “UGH, why do I even have a blog anyway?” popped into my head and I felt crappy.

BEFORE YOU PANIC, NO, I’m not quitting. I’d never. I just want to talk you through what I felt and then what I felt after realising I was being a moron.

What I felt before:
Ugh, this is so pointless. Who cares anyway? What am I getting out of this? I NEVER read anyone’s blogs anyway, or reply to comments quickly, or I never talk to bloggers and I’m not involved enough. Not as involved as other bloggers, and for GOD’s sake I have 970 or so followers, and that’s not even GOOD in the grand scheme of things. Seriously, things are just running away with me and a blog won’t even help. I don’t make enough time for it, or my friends through it, and I don’t read or write enough or talk enough or ENGAGE enough. And besides, it doesn’t even matter if I leave.

What I felt after:
SO MUCH WOW, actually, people do give a shit. They CARE about you, you moron; they give you advice and email you. Yeah, you might not be so involved, but you have your GCSEs this year and things are going on too and you can’t be EXPECTED to do everything. ALSO, 970 followers IS GOOD, but even if you had 50 or less, it would still be good. The fact that you’ve continued with this for more than 9 months shows you CAN be bothered. And come on, you LOVE blogging. You might think your posts are shit but at least they brighten up other people’s days. It’s OKAY to have doubts, but you know, you’d be lost without blogging and you adore it.

And YES, I’m shocked and slightly terrified that I talked MYSELF out of it, without resorting to screaming and thinking my life/blog/personality/existence is worth nothing.

Well then. I’m still feeling down, but you know what? Things are okay.

I’m someone with a blog, who’s built a life on here. I’m not as good as other bloggers, I don’t engage AS MUCH, but I love it. I love you guys. I love just putting words onto a screen and having people READ it; the novalty of that still confuses me.

I’ve built a life here, and if you’ve got a blog, so have you. Don’t let your insecurities and doubts get you down. No matter HOW many followers you’ve got, or likes or comments, write for YOURSELF and anyone else who reads it. It’s your blog, and no bitch is gonna come along and scream that you’re a crappy blogger and your words flow as well as a river filled with sludge.

That image is disgusting OH GOD

All in all, you’re you. I can’t inspire people to save my life, but I learned that throwing a temper tantrum when you think you’re not good enough is a little pointless. You’re never going to think you’re good enough; I still don’t. I still think my blog’s a little boring and I don’t talk about GOOD things.

But that doesn’t matter. I love blogging, so blogging’s what I’ll do.

From Elm πŸ™‚

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60 thoughts on “That Awkward Moment When You Nearly Delete Yourself

  1. Like you, I’m doing my GCSEs this year and thinking ‘Oh dear lord above how am I going to keep doing this why am I doing this when I have art coursework and physics and – ‘, but writing is one of the few things that I truly love doing, so I’m frantically juggling! Thanks for the motivation – I think your blog’s fantastic. πŸ™‚

  2. I love this post πŸ™‚ And don’t tell yourself that you never read other peoples blogs, you’ve liked pretty much all of my posts and everyone elses too! You’re an amazing blogger and you can’t help it if you have exams, I have them at the moment too πŸ˜‰

  3. You are doing amazing! If you are passionate about something, in this case blogging, there is no reason to give it up. We all have insecurities, but let me tell you this: it is so not needed! And one day you’ll see that you are more than good enough πŸ™‚

  4. Okay if you say so Elm, I will let my words flow like a river filled with sludge. XD but seriously 970 followers is amazing (don’t you deny it) and you are definitely helping people through this awesome blog. And also I love your blog sooooo please stay πŸ˜€

  5. I’d love to get to know other bloggers more too. Buddy you’re a good blogger and a good person! Never stop doing what you love. I’m so happy you talked yourself out of deleting x

  6. I’m glad you were able to talk yourself out of it ❀ we'd all miss you if you did. Thank you for sharing the thoughts that went through your mind, I know if can be hard sometimes

  7. For a second there I got really really scared that you were giving up blogging… Don’t do that to me Elm!! XD literally you’ve just offered me and so many others huge amounts of support, you’re such a valuable member of the blogging community:)

  8. Don’t ever, I mean ever, think of quitting blogging! Please, I know people go through this whole train of emotions and its hard to choose what to do. Don’t do something permanently stupid just because you are temporarily upset! FYI- I am not calling you stupid, I am saying generally!

  9. So glad that you managed to talk yourself out of it! And girl, 980 followers is good, amazing even! After 9 months of blogging, that’s great compared to what I’ve achieved! I’ve been blogging for over a year now and only now am I close to 50 followers! Also, despite the fact that you may not have as much time to interact with other bloggers, there are many who would miss you and your posts so much if you left! (I’m so glad you didn’t!) (:
    – Jess xx | http://amessofjess.wordpress.com

  10. Don’t you dare delete your blog! Because I will personally find you and give you a speech on why your blog is awesome and why you shouldn’t be delete it! Ok – that sounded really creepy and mean BUT ALL JOKES ASIDE: I’m glad you convinced yourself that you shouldn’t be deleting your amazing blog because a lot of people love reading your posts including me and I would hate to not be able to find your site one day 😦 970 followers is such an amazing number. YOU’RE GOING TO HIT 1,000 SOON!!! ❀️

    • YOU DID IT AHEAD OF ME YOU AMAZING GIRLLLL! πŸ™‚ :):):)
      Okay Elm CALM
      Reine, you don’t sound creepy; I’d be giving MYSELF a speech if I deleted it

  11. DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW FREAKED OUT I WAS OMFGOSH
    But phew. All okay now.
    And i honestly have thought of everything you mentioned. You have a way of capturing my thoughts that frankly make me want to scream (in all the best ways)

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