Love too Fast, Hate Too Fast

I was thinking about my personality today and got terrified, and then ran down the self-loathing road. I think I need to talk about it to make myself feel better, and to let myself FEEL the emotions.

I’ll just say it: I think about people in a romantic light way too quickly. It’s not that I “fancy” them – I just think, “What would it be like?”

And I truly hate that side of me. The part of me that fucking SWOONS when anyone’s nice to them. I don’t even know how to articulate this. What I do is I talk to someone, then think they’re nice and all that, and THEN invest my time and emotion into them, but not ALL my time and emotion, because the rest is devoted for curiosity about other people, my friends and my hobbies. I’m not committed, and I fixate on people and JUST NO

I’m just… What the hell? I’m confused and angry because there are about 3 people, right now, I could see myself “fancying” (that word makes me feel sick), but then the entire cycle will repeat again.

The worst part is that I recently broke up with Aspen, and what person moves on that quickly and considers other people THAT QUICKLY? It’s not respectful to him, it’s not okay and I’m not okay with me being like this.

It’s scary and confusing because I have no idea what I feel, and I DON’T want a relationship. I have no idea what I want or what’s right to feel and my head is a total mess.

Like I said, there are people who are amazing and great and I NEED to wait all these feelings out so I know which ones are real, and which ones are just brought on by the fact that people were nice to me.

I don’t know. I’m scared that feelings will run away with me, but I NEED to focus on my schoolwork and everything like that. Hating myself has to be pushed to the back of my mind, because really, I don’t exactly care enough to go on an I-hate-myself rampage.

Does anyone else have this, where they love too fast, and hate themselves too fast afterwards? Because that’s my problem.

From Elm ๐Ÿ™‚

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68 thoughts on “Love too Fast, Hate Too Fast

  1. yess!!sames here!!except ive only ever had loads of stupid crushes!!but, still, people my age dont really go and have boyfriends, either lol!

  2. I get what you mean! Sometimes you look at someone and wonder what it would be like, and I have done that, but mainly with one guy, who just so happens to be one of my best friends and has a girlfriend. There was a time when something was going to happen between us, but it didn’t. I still have feelings for him but shhh ๐Ÿ˜‰ Haha!

  3. Oh, Elm. I have never met anyone who is this much like me. It’s just so easy to consider falling in love with everyone, and it’s always in the back of my mind. Maybe we’re just too romantic. And the hating-yourself part I totally understand, especially how it needs to be pushed away because of schoolwork. To be honest, I’ve never gotten any good advice about this, but at least we know other people think the same way.

    • Oh my god, you understand me. THANK YOU. I just consider things with everyone, sort of “testing the waters” and I just feel this disgust.

  4. You are NOT alone, Elm. I jumped into this relationship way too fast a while back and I still don’t get what really happened. I guess we’re just hopeless romantics or something like that!

  5. I know exactly how you are feeling! I’m in the same position as you at the moment. I had this kinda thing with this guy (who kinda friend-zoned me) but he liked me (I think anyway). Anyway, it’s ended but I like another person now but I don’t know if it’s too early for that or not. I don’t want a relationship either but it seems like I fancy someone now. I have no idea why but I’m trying to like say that I don’t have a crush on them to myself.

  6. I always make up romantic Storys of people I just met or would never want to have a relationship with in my mind. It is so weird and I hate that I do it. Sometimes I ask myself what the hell is wrong with me

  7. I totally understand you!!! I do have this crush, he is a really sweet and kinda cheeky boy in our class. Now, we both kinda like each other, and both of us know it. But I think its getting serious now, which I dont want it to be! Like, I think of him and smile, then I tell myself that I don’t want any relationship, and end up hating myself for liking him in the first place. But the thing is, you can’t control love, but you can control hate. So just stop hating yourself! Its natural for a teenager. Once when this boy liked me but I seriously hated him, I told my Mom all about it. She said that teenage is probably the time for crushes. (She didn’t say that exactly, but you get the idea!) So dont worry and STOP HATING YOURSELF!

    • I’ll try – thank you for that! That really cheered me up ๐Ÿ™‚ Good luck with the thing with the guy! Hope it turns out alright.

  8. I mean, I can’t say I exactly understand you… I think EVERYONE is cute as hell. But I never actually feel things for them — even if I wish I did, which sort of sucks. I’m worried that I’m never going to fall in love. (A crazy thing to worry about, I know. But I am slight hopeless romantic even though I don’t really know what romance is. *shrugs*)
    I HAVE TALKED A LOT ABOUT ME NOW ahaha. *splooshes out angsty feelings* But I don’t think it’s weird at all — we’re all different! And I see a ton of other people in the comments seem to get you, which is cool.

    • What’s cool is you expressing your feelings ๐Ÿ™‚ I can’t I understand what it feels like, but I understand being confused and WANTING other things.

  9. If you feel yourself moving on then that is a good thing, no matter how quickly as you don’t know what he is feeling either. Before I got with my boyfriend I would do the same, thats if I remember correctly because I have been with him for 11 months, but what matter is that if your happy doing what your doing then you shouldn’t worry! P.s have you considered your guest post for my blog?
    x

  10. Hey, man, different people feel ‘love’ in different ways- and yours is just as good as someone else’s. Who cares if you love too quickly or too easily; as long as it makes you happy in the end, it’s fine.

  11. It’s nice to keep an open mind and not be tied down so much by a break up as such. You shouldn’t put yourself down for this …”too fast” is defined differently for everyone! Let’s take it out of context…completing my homework in one hour might be too fast for me but too slow for someone else.

  12. Most of our thoughts are exactly that – just thoughts. Don’t be too upset with yourself, you can’t control what goes on in your head, but you CAN control how you react to it xx

  13. omg everyone here is like ‘ME TOO’ but I’m like ‘hehe. as if’ ๐Ÿ˜„ it’s part of who you are and it’s not always a bad thing! It’s up to you to make the choices in the end. ๐Ÿ™‚

  14. Dude, I relate so much. I wish I could give you advice but I honestly don’t know how to solve this problem. ๐Ÿ˜ฆ I am here if you’d like to rant, though.

  15. You may think that you’re the only one who experiences this, but believe me, you’re NOT. It’s completely OKAY to feel like you’ve got multiple crushes. You’re not in trouble!

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