I’m scared of the future.
I’m scared of not getting a job, because the employment figures for disabled people aren’t so good.
I’m scared that I’ll live on benefits. for the rest of my life, and that I’ll have to compete with everyone to get the job, and not just those with good grades.
I’m scared of hurting people, and of something happening to me that would CAUSE me to do that.
I’m scared of losing friends, and having arguments with them; I’m scared that one day I’ll wake up and hate myself so viciously because of how I treat people.
I’m scared that I’ll rush the physical aspect of my relationship too much.
I’m scared that people will find my blog, from real life, and I’m terrified that then my world would just tumble down and I’d lose the one place I truly love.
I’m scared that one day, someone will use my blog against me and I’ll be powerless to stop them because things stay on the internet. forever.
I’m scared of my paranoia and how it makes me nervous, and I’m always worried that my friends – or anyone – will turn round and get sick of it.
I’m scared of not doing well in my exams, and I’m scared that I won’t do enough revision in these last few weeks.
I’m scared of falling, or dying.
I’m scared of a lot of things that you guys are scared of, too. That’s okay.
I might be scared of many things, but I’m not afraid to admit it. I’m not going to hide them; I’m not frightened to stand up and say, “I’m scared of these things, but it’s OKAY.”
I’ll take them, one fear at a time, and deal with them. “Piss off,” I’ll say. What will happen will happen, and I’m still me with all my hopes and dreams and fears and love. I’m still scared, but remember: it’s okay to have fears, but don’t let them rule your life.
From Elm 🙂