Physical Things

This post has no direction, but that’s the point. I want to get my thoughts out.

Right. Let’s talk about my body – but not the classic beauty. Something… More than that.

I always wonder if I’m attractive. Not an angry wonder – I just get curious. Am I pretty? Do people look at me and go, “Damn, that girl is great.” Hot. Attractive. Whatever word you want to use.

I almost describe it as appealing. Appealing to people, I suppose, in a romantic sense – but not because I WANT to be involved with anyone romantically right now. I’m still unable to think of anyone like that without feeling sad, because things are still confusing when it comes to that and will be for a long time. It’s just… I wonder.

I’m really small. I look like a 12-year-old on the best of days, and I KNOW it. Whenever I look my age, people notice – “Elm! You look grown up today!” and I suppose that makes me feel like a baby. Like I can’t look 16 and when I do, people think I look older. HAH.

I went shopping with my mum today, for shoes for prom. Eventually, we bought them, but in the process I started to feel awful. I WANTED to wear heels, because got I’m not being this short for Prom. Heels that are GOOD – heels that make ME feel not. childish. I got frustrated.

When, for instance, my mum wants to straighten my hair or says I should wash my face, I feel a bit sick. Not because I feel UGLY, but because I get this disgusted feeling. Like I’m a little child, because I can’t seem to get appearances right. I feel like people think I’m cute, not pretty, not BEAUTIFUL. What do I want to feel like?

This might be oversharing, but I suppose I need to say this because I’m insecure and I feel too little and too tiny to be taken seriously. And. anyway, people should be able to talk about their body.

My breasts are fucking tiny. It makes me feel upset, even though I know it doesn’t matter. I just… Whenever I want to talk to someone about how irritated I feel about them, I make a joke out of it. “HAHAHA well, least you HAVE boobs! I look like a surfboard.” I shouldn’t do it, but sometimes I just feel stupid and little.

I’d feel too nervous to go to a party, because I’d be scared people would look at me – short, hardly any makeup, bullshit fashion sense and go, “She’s not worth my time. She’s not pretty.” I don’t want anyone to “get with” me because I’m not over Rapunzel and I’m confused and shit. But the fact that someone could POTENTIALLY dismiss me because of how I am, how I look, makes me sad.

Is that how it would be? I don’t know.

If I put on clothes, I wonder, “Will people take me seriously in this?” and I hate it when I think the answer is “no”.

Because who knows? They might. I need to take the chance, and dress how I like without thinking I’m a little baby tiny child. I CAN’T think that.

I need to feel positive. If you feel insecure, like I sometimes do, just remember that it’s YOUR body. A lot of people want to feel like they could catch someone’s eye, but it’s up to YOU to be confident enough to realise:

Yeah, I CAN do this. I’m not too short or too tall, too thin, too ANYTHING. I’m me and whatever size my body parts are, it’s fine.

So I’m going out tonight, and I won’t think about how short or unattractive I think I am.

From Elm πŸ™‚

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73 thoughts on “Physical Things

  1. That’s right! The more you spend time thinking the more it will irritate you, so just do it πŸ™‚ Hope you have fun tonight – Michelle

  2. That’s the spirit. Here’s the thing though. Don’t “not think about how short or unattractive I am”, think “Damn I’m slaying. Look at this body. Look at this face. And my breasts! Think of all the harem tops I could pull off. No bra? No problem. Heels? Who needs ’em? I’ll take over the world from down here thankyouverymuch. They’re not going to know what hit them.”
    Even the most attractive people have their own insecurities. The key is to fake confidence till you believe it yourself. As long as other people believe that you believe you look good, then you’ll be fine.
    Be yourself, have fun and don’t forget just how awesome it is to be you.

    • You just made my entire evening by your words! Thank you SO SO much for that; I’m copying that quote down! You’re really fantastic and you’ve inspired me to actually HAVE more confidence! That means the world. YASSS I’ll slay it!
      Sorry for not replying – I got home just now, and I had to approve your comment.

      • Oh so that’s what that was! I sent that comment like 4 times, I thought there was something wrong with my WordPress.
        I’m so glad it helps.
        Have fun at your prom. Slay and stay blessed.

      • I will, and you too! πŸ™‚
        Yeah, sorry about that; I only approve commenters that haven’t commented before, so all your comments should come in straight away now.

  3. I was reading the post and goin ‘WTH?”WTH?’ but then I came to the end and thought ‘That’s my good girl Elmie’ πŸ™‚

  4. That’s the spirit. Here’s the thing though. Don’t “not think about how short or unattractive I am”, think “Damn I’m slaying. Look at this body. Look at this face. And my breasts! Think of all the harem tops I could pull off. No bra? No problem. Heels? Who needs ’em? I’ll take over the world from down here. They’re not going to know what hit them.”
    Even the most attractive people have their own insecurities. The key is to fake confidence till you believe it yourself. As long as other people believe that you believe you look good, then you’ll be fine.
    Be yourself, have fun and don’t forget just how awesome it is to be you.

  5. Bless you honey, a lot of us feel like this so please don’t think you’re alone with the feeling, I’m always here, keep your chin up and dismiss the haters!

  6. Yeaaaah!!! Who has the time to feel insecure when you’ve got beautiful and confident thoughts such as those? From what I can tell from your posts, you’re a really beautiful and amazing person inside and out πŸ™‚
    Have fun going out and at your prom! x

  7. Elm, you are very beautiful, trust me. Also you’re definitely not alone about being small. I’m small too!

  8. If someone dismisses you because of how you look or what you wear, they’re not worth it anyway. (And small breasts mean you can get away with not wearing a bra in certain outfits, which is always a plus.) πŸ™‚

  9. That’s the spirit. Here’s the thing though. Don’t “not think about how short or unattractive I am”, think “Damn I’m slaying. Look at this body. Look at this face. And my breasts! Think of all the harem tops I could pull off. No bra? No problem. Heels? Who needs ’em? I’ll take over the world from down here. They’re not going to know what hit them.”
    Fake that confidence till you believe it yourself.
    Be yourself, have fun and don’t forget just how awesome it is to be you.

  10. Who cares about the haters? They’re just pricks who can’t find anything better to do with their lives. I’ll bet you look amazing – haters or no haters!

  11. YESS!! Who cares if you’re too skinny, too fat, if you ain’t got good body or big breasts? Just love yourself for who you are! And it’s always more important to be a nice person than being pretty! πŸ™‚ And how curious, I’m actually happy about my tiny breasts hehe! I’ve never liked big ones IDK XD maybe cause I’m 13 who knows πŸ˜€ I’m also kinda short but people say that in general short people are more attractive than tall people if that makes you feel better, I’m short too.
    I really liked this post! XD

    • I loved your comment; made me feel better! πŸ˜€ YAY for shortness, and every other body type. You’re a lovely friend, you know that? πŸ™‚ Also WHAT YOU’RE 13 I didn’t know that!

  12. I can relate to so much of this, sadly. I’ve become way more confident over the past year or so, and I think a big part of that is buying clothes I’m in love with. Almost all my clothes make me feel attractive now, and that makes me so much more confident! So maybe try a big shopping spree, if you can? And also, know that we all love you just the way you are β™₯β™₯

    • Ahhh you’re right πŸ™‚ Thank you so much. I’m so happy that I’m not alone in this – and YES! A shopping spree sounds like a great idea!

  13. YEAH ELM. Go out and don’t think about your how short or tiny you are, you go out to have a GOOD time.
    And honestly, people who make judgements based off of appearance, they’re the most shallow people of them all. Like, don’t they want to know the inner you? Why to waste time over such people?
    It’s only normal to feel insecure about your body. I just hope you don’t end up hating it. YOU are beautiful, no matter what you think, it’s the inside that really counts in life.

    • You are such a great person I swear it! Thank you for this. Yeah, it’s what’s on the inside that counts πŸ™‚ That’s really powerful.
      I’ll try not to hate my body. I’m already more than halfway there, because of every comment people have left that brightens up my day.

  14. Believe me , Elm, I haven’t seen your face, I haven’t heard your voice and I don’t know how your body is but if I were a guy, a sensible one,I would love to ask you out. But sadly my gender is female XD. But yes, it doesn’t matter if you’re tiny or huge. Do you know I have a friend who wants smaller breasts? And she’s trying her best to reduce it and change herself and people tease her about it. Have you thought that if it were you who would be satisfied with yourself that others would be too? I don’t have the right to say this but you aren’t who you say you are,no one is. But that’s the truth about life. It’s a short span of time where people are falling in love with themselves and trust me on this, people aren’t happy with their bodies, I definitely am not with mine, but it’s on you to decide. People will envy you, Elm, they DO envy you but their egos are bigger than their hearts for them to tell you that you’re beautiful, or hot or adorable. If you want people to fall in love with you then love yourself so much that their stupid egos burst and they are forced to envy you because believe me, I already do πŸ™‚

    • You are honestly the most fantastic person πŸ™‚ Thank you SO much. I’ll try my hardest to love myself, and I’m getting there. Slowly. But that’s just life, and I’ll never get anywhere if I don’t at least TRY.

  15. Oh, I get you. I’ve been self-conscious a lot. I always wonder if I look good, does my clothes compliment my look or something like that and then I realize who cares about how I look. People look on personalities [not all though] and that’s what matters: personality πŸ™‚

    • Yes EXACTLY! Thanks for that comment πŸ™‚ It makes me feel better that I’m not alone – more positive. You’re really great.

  16. There’s is literally no less cringy way to put this… but you ARE beautiful. Ready to cringe some more? It’s because it’s the inside that counts, yeah? Honestly, some of the “prettiest” girls at my school are also the most shallow and insensitive and they’re going to have a hell of a time with THOSE traits later in life. But not you! (obviously.) Why? Because, from what I can tell from your blog and stuff, you’re kind and generous and so so amazing. And THAT’S what matters more than outside appearance.
    (Though I do relate to being self-concious a lot… though i’m not going to admit why here X(. But small-boobed people unite! I can get away with wearing “training bras” a lot which is awesome cuz they’re super comfy. Am I getting too personal? Sorry. Also sorry for this long comment. Just… gonna leave now.)
    YOU’RE BEAUTIFUL.
    (i had to end with that. Sorry not sorry.)

    • YOU’RE GREAT AND YOU MAKE MY DAY EEEKK!!!
      Nah, not too personal at all! Thank god I’m not the only one πŸ˜€ Thanks for commenting. I swear, no matter how long your comments are I ALWAYS love them.
      You’re beautiful too! And fabulous. And awesome.

  17. WTF these are exactly my thoughts most days of my life. I’m so short and small in most ways that EVERYONE calls me ‘cute’ and whenever I do things funny, they pat me on the head and call me cute instead of just me being funny… I feel like I have a reputation for being ‘the small one’, so don’t worry, you’re not the only one going through this. YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL!! I just followed : )

    xo, Phia

    http://www.thestyleaffaiir.wordpress.com

  18. Hi Elm,
    I’ve struggled for many months now with being underconfident and unhappy about the way I look. People around me don’t seem to understand and I’ve been betrayed with other things too many times to tell my friends. It’s a horrible place to be in and feeling ripped apart inside every time I look in the mirror, hurts worse than being unable to talk to people about it.
    It’s amazing that you’ve found the confidence and self-esteem to be able to feel happy as yourself and have fun at prom!
    My way of dealing with it is to workout regularly and eat healthily, which ironically is much harder than people would think.
    Sorry to leave a slightly unhappy comment
    GeorgieGrl =)

  19. I’m struggling with my “cute” identity as well, and I relate to the rest of your post on a personal level. Keep your chin up babe, and know that others are trying to do the same.

  20. Although I am not short I still relate to you immensely with body parts and all of those things, but anyway this shouldn’t matter because if these guys or friends are judging you on appearance they aren’t worth your time so you keep doing you sweetheart and things will get better! πŸ™‚

  21. I have the exact same thing with breasts. My boobs are absolutely tiny. I used to get bullied for it in one lesson in year 9 and 10. It was this group of boys that’d make me feel like crap and make fun of other girls whilst I was sitting there, it was horrible. There was no way out of it and I used to pretend to be ill so I could avoid the lesson, it’d make me feel physically sick. I’d hear people making sly comments about it whilst they were sitting on the table behind me, it made me feel sick to think that people actually made comments like that about my appearance, when there was nothing I could do to change it. I used to hate the way I looked simply because of that, I’d refuse to take my cardigan off so I could use it to shield my breast area. I’ve never felt more uncomfortable in my own body before. But I’ve gotten used to it, people have stopped teasing me and I don’t care anymore. I can’t change it so I just embrace it. I know at times it makes you feel angry that you can’t just have what other girl’s have got. But in the end, who really cares about the size of two lumps of fat attached to your chest. As long as you’re happy then that’s all that matters! Honestly, don’t worry about it. We’re lucky we can wear shirts and not have to worry about our chests poking out, we can run without having to hold our boobs down, we can even go bra-less and rock it! You really are amazing how you are and there’s no point worrying about it too much!

    • Okay you just completely lit up my day, I’m not joking. Thank you so so SO MUCH for telling me all that. Argh you’re right. Honestly, it inspires me that you’ve learned to accept your body; it’s what I need to do. Those boys sound honestly awful but they’re just pathetic.
      Ahh thank you so much!

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