Nearly There

I have 2 exams left.

2.

Remember when I had 23, and when it was 19 days away and I was panicking? Yeah, me too.

I’ll save all the “I’m SO RELIEVED”, and “YAAAAYYYY FREEDOM!” posts until after they’re done. Maybe posting this will make the anticipation build and ultimately make me more nervous, but I’m a total rebel and don’t play by any rules okay that’s a complete lie.

Unfortunately, my chemistry exam – the second one out of two – today went really badly. I’m not even just saying that; I feel sick whenever I think about it because I could barely answer the questions (and I felt confident at the beginning, as well). People found it easier, which makes me feel terrified for my chances. WHOOPS. Ah well.

I’m honestly quite upset about that. It was the first exam where my horror at not understanding something DIRECTLY affected how I approached the paper. With the first maths paper, it was alright because I tried to be logical. In chemistry, it was panic panic panic and I felt that awful fog descending where I wanted to scream and I thought that I was a total failure. It was a little bit of a shock, as it’s been a long time since I’ve felt so incredibly negative about an exam. For the others, I haven’t let myself feel terrible when I KNEW I’d got something wrong, partly down to the fact that I realised that if I broke then, I wouldn’t be able to stop but also because I wanted – and still do – to stay as positive as possible.

That’s mostly dissipated, but there’s still a lingering horror that I’ve majorly screwed myself over. Though I can’t do anything about it now, it doesn’t stop me from worrying. Also, it doesn’t help when I feel like my worries are insignificant because I don’t need that at the moment.

The only two I have left are physics. Like Chemistry, I’m dreading them – the chemistry has knocked my confidence a LOT, but I should be alright? Tomorrow is going to be intense revision like you’ve never (and I’ve never) seen, and I’m going to shut myself away when I’m not in school doing revision sessions. So basically hermit Elm to the not rescue because she won’t be talking to anyone.

Yeah, physics is scaring me. There’s a lot I don’t understand, and I want to beat my head against the wall several times, but I’m going to give myself a break for tonight. Right now, it’s about 9:30 so I can’t do anything anyway without feeling panicky and the information floating through my brain. Y’know moments, and magnetic fields and stars – AHHH I CAN’T!!!!

God, I can’t wait until it’s all over. The only thing that’s getting me through it is the thought that in two days, I’ll be free.

It’s strange; I’ve been talking to Ash quite a bit over the last, well, three days? ALSO before you scream at me, if you don’t know what the hell I’m talking about and you wonder why the fuck I’m messaging ASH, read

38 thoughts on “Nearly There

  1. I think that we do the same science exams – I and many of my friends found C3 to be an absolute nightmare, so fingers crossed the grade boundaries are low! Good luck for physics πŸ™‚ x

  2. I had the same thing with my physics exam today! I felt confident going in then as soon as I opened the paper and saw the first question, everything went downhill and I really struggled to answer even the common sense questions because I was so panicky about the whole thing. I ended up guessing at least 10 questions in the end and I felt really disappointed in myself for a while. Especially as other people seemed to find it easy. I let this horrid exam ruin my day but then I realised that it’s NOT the end of the world, and I’ll NEVER be doing physics again in my life. And I have a horrible habit of focusing on all the things I did badly in the exam and forgetting about all the stuff I probably did decently. Good luck with your physics exams and don’t let this chemistry one hold you back! It’s all over now and you’ll never have to di that chemistry paper again!

    • Yes exactly! AHHH you’re positive it’s really inspiring! πŸ™‚ I’m sure that you did better than you thought – but I totally understand!

      • Aww, well I talked through some of my answers with my teacher (probably wasn’t the best idea) and I know I messed up on quite a lot of things but they said if I work really hard for the second exam it might boost my grade up. It’s nice to know someone understands! πŸ™‚

  3. I hate when I don’t do well in an exam and someone else goes “Really? But it was so easy!” It’s like “NOBODY ASKED YOU, PATRICE!!!” (little HIMYM humor)
    Best of luck in physics.

  4. I felt the same about the chemistry exams. I finished C2 feeling confident and that everything was going much better than I’d expected – so, naturally, it went downhill from there and the C3 exam was a mess. All I have left now is Physics and Further Maths though, which I find better than most other subjects. Good luck with your Physics exams!

    • Thank you so much – and same to you! We can do this! And good luck with further maths, too; my friend’s doing that too. Ahh I’m so glad I wasn’t the only one that found C3 horrendous!

  5. Good luck!!! You’ll be okay!! Don’t cram too much, that will freak you out and panic you more. At this point you pretty much know everything that you can know about a subject. You should still review, but don’t kill yourself studying!! You’re going to be fine :). In the long run, grades don’t matter. And you’re smart, you will figure it out.

  6. Ugh this always happens to me 😦 My school always packs ALL my exams into one week so I have to study for them all at once and end up getting muddled. My worst subject was math, where I sat there looking at the series of numbers on my page and not knowing anything. But don’t worry because you will get through it and it’s not worth all the worrying anyways coz you can’t do anything about it now. Relax and you will do great! Xoxo

  7. I remember when I panicked so much that I didn’t want to appear for the Chem exam. I went to sleep that night with such a bad migraine and not even being able to see anything through my sore eyes, I then woke up the next day to the phone ringing and it was the examination manager telling me to get my ass to school right this instant and God it was all such a mess. Anyway, they tried to calm me down but I was all out of control, they finally managed to have me write the exam in the clinic and it was terrible. I knew the answers to most of the questions but I just couldn’t put it all into words, it’s like when you’re dreaming and you see something but it’s all blurry and you really know what it is but it just won’t come to mind! But to be honest, I’m glad that they dragged me to school because I would’ve missed out on a subject, I know I’m going to be getting such a shitty grade but at least I’ll have a grade and a certificate saying that I’ve done this subject. And look at me blabbering about myself!

    Just give your all, Elm! Yes I know things that you don’t understand are making you worry so much but just remember that you still understand the rest, that it’s PERFECTLY FINE not to understand everything. Everytime a thought of worry crosses your mind STAMP ON IT WITH A “I CAN DO THIS. I’M GOING TO WRITE THIS EXAM WITH WHATEVER I KNOW AND THAT’S WHAT MATTERS!” Wishing you all the luck that there is and don’t be too hard on yourself, much love x

  8. Please help me. I am so screwed for physics tomorrow. I don’t get any of P3. I’m still revising P2 and haven’t even looked at P3 yet. Let’s pray it is easy tomorrow. We can do this!! (hopefully. dear god I hope so). Good luck! I’ll be thinking of you when I walk into that exam tomorrow!

      • OMG P2 WAS AWFUL!!! everybody came out of the exam saying it was so bad and it was. there were so many calculations and I don’t think i got any of them right. i thought p3 was going to be really bad but i think it went okay. how did you find p3??

      • THANK YOU I’M NOT ALONE in thinking it was terrible! The bond energies one NO!!!
        P3 was so much better! Not GOOD, but I think it went a lot better than P2.

  9. This is so crazy but I found this blog post, after writing my own about chemistry and I can’t believe how much they relate. Honestly you speak my mind Elm and I’m so obsessed with your blog and how honest you are. It’s exciting to read what you write!!!

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