I’ve managed to stay reasonably positive all day because I went to the park with my friend Ivy and talked for hours, but now I can’t keep it up. I need to let all this out, before I cry so much that I can’t breathe, and what better way to do than by blogging?
Eternally paranoid, prone to being too sad and exhausted, I’m a walking mess – and even that’s exaggerating. I have convinced myself that people are saying so many things about me, and so I’m going to unleash that in an explosion of unfiltered thoughts that people may not think, but that I think they do. Who knows?
Look, she’s not a bad person but she spreads stuff about people all the time; it’s awful.
Her problems aren’t even that serious! She should just get over stuff, you know – it’s been long enough already.
She can’t be trusted, so just don’t tell her anything.
I thought she’d be there for me, but she never was, and now she expects me to be friends with her?
She was something familiar, who I knew. I never really liked her – you should know that!
God, she’s so clingy, constantly messaging me. It’s getting annoying.
Why won’t she just stop – can’t she see I don’t want to talk to her?
I’m just stringing her along – I don’t want anything with her but it’s so funny to see her have hope.
She was never a good friend to me; I was just pretending so that she didn’t feel bad.
I couldn’t take her seriously; she was so inexperienced and the way she acted was so fake!
She hurt me so much, so how the hell can she just act like everything’s okay?
And she’s fucking ridiculous, all of the shit she did – and I bet she thinks you didn’t tell me, but who does she think she is?
She’s really naive, moping around everywhere – and it’s not her fault, but still, she’s never happy and it’s so tiring.
She never replies, or makes an effort, so why should I care about her? I’m not willing to try if she doesn’t.
Those attention-seeking comments she makes sometimes? Does she think she’s being edgy – and when she cries I feel so awkward because it just seems like she’s miserable whenever I speak to her.
The stuff she says is so generic and cheesy; she’s got no soul for it, and why is she respected anyway?
Well it’s not like she has a defining quality to her personality – I kind of find her boring. What does she have that stands out, really?
She has no personality when you think about it. She didn’t even bother getting to know me, though she thought she did.
She’s still upset about it? It was over a year ago, for fuck’s sake.
Did she really think I wanted to be friends with her after that?
… Just forget about her. You’re so much better, anyway.
One day, I won’t feel so Paranoid and I won’t think that people have a right to hate me. That day isn’t today and I can’t help it; I’ll get help for it at some point but I’m so exhausted and sick of my own exhaustion that I need to sleep.
Sorry about all that.
From Elm 🙂