I’m Too Sentimental for My Own Good

Call it coincidence, but the 24th seems to have it out for me.

By “having it out for me”, I don’t mean it’s personally attacked me with its… Numberness, but on the 24th of various months, things – recently/in the last 1 and a half years – have seemed to happen in terms of my “love life”, which means that I now have an entirely unfair grudge on the number, and the grudge – which I only realised existed today – is most likely going to surface in a bitter mutter on certain dates, because I seem to have a habit of attaching importance to things like that and then getting involved in a self-fulfilling prophecy of irritation.

It’s not like I mean things to happen on this day, or that I even realised they did until now: I was thinking earlier (shocking I know) and I came to the thought that, completely by accident, a few things have happened on this day in different months. It made me laugh, and then made me feel rather too sad, so I decided to make a post about it. You don’t rule me, 24th, you bastard!

My hilarious failure of a two-week internet relationship on the 24th ended. That isn’t exactly ground-breaking, but a day later, I had what I consider my first kiss, and so of course the day prior would mean something because the latter day will always stick in my mind. Palm meant nothing to me in the long run: S, on the other hand, did and does. Convoluted? Oh, it makes sense in my head; the past’s a weird thing in that it reminds you of things, but this section of the past doesn’t hurt. It’s nice to remember.

On the 24th of February (last year because I’m not a time traveller, sadly) I took a huge step in realising that my feelings were important, and that I didn’t have to do something just because it was right for someone else. I understood that not having feelings for someone and being in a relationship with them is a bad idea, and only causes hurt; it made me grow up and finally accept that what I was feeling was alright to feel. That relationship ended amicably, and stayed friendly, which is great.

The 24th marks the start of something that was beautiful to me, and something that got me through a lot of pain in my life; I started on the road to falling in love that day, and though that’s faded now, it’s alright because again, I grew as a person. It also marks an ending, of what I shan’t say, but that ending was incredibly bittersweet. With the person in question, after that “ending”, I was never quite sure if I’d break what we had, or if it would turn into something lovely. It represented the fleeting kind of love you have, before complications get in the way of it.

This “day” is also one where I made some, um, morally questionable choices. Then again, I don’t regret a thing because it was a huge reality check; I sincerely doubt it’d even occur to anyone else what this particular instance was, but for me it was a wake-up call. I was happy for a short time, but at the expense of others, and it only increased my paranoia despite the closure I received. It wasn’t fair, really, though I’ve put it behind me as best as I can.

Oh, and coincidentally, the 24th of an unnamed month is Ash’s birthday. Ash was previously one of my best friends, who I fell in love with, and I find it quite funny how this day also links to him. Weird, in fact; it’s all total accidental happenstance, but it still shocks me a bit.

If I had, this morning, woken up and thought “Well FUCK, it’s the 24th!” I would have been in a horrendous mood all day. As it was, I only realised the supposed significance of the number a little before I wrote this post, when I was contemplating love and literature. It was then that the thought of “Ohh hell” popped into my head, but it only lasted a short while because I immediately got to writing.

Yes, it’s just another day and I want you guys to remember that too. Say you have a horrible event that happened to you, and it’s a year since then. Let this new day make you remember why you’re still living, and that a year ago it may have been awful, but this is a new year, month, day and you’re not ruled by numbers.

Sometimes, though, it’s good to have a bit of sentimentality. As long as it doesn’t stray into upsetting you, it’s lovely to remember the nostalgically happy times.

Luckily, for all its sad connotations, the 24th is a good number for me. Do you have any days like this?

From Elm πŸ™‚

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