This Is What I Live For

I have had the best day, ever, because I met Sav and Mit today for the second and third time respectively.

Not only did I meet them, but I travelled there semi-independently: my sister shadowed me to make sure I was fine, but I went on the tube on my own and it was exhilarating, thrilling and such a great experience.

I’ve been excited about this meeting for such a long time, though we didn’t know when it was going to happen. As I got off the train at an unnamed but large station, I stepped forward, to wait for the assistance. They didn’t come. I wasn’t panicking – I didn’t have time – because this lovely member of the public helped me. As in, he went out of his way to make sure I was alright, helping me out of the platform and not treating me like a child; it was just so nice of him.

So I was walking with him, my sister creepily following us, and I chatted to him a fair bit as we went to the Assistance Desk. I stood around, waiting for someone to come and collect me, and then I went on the bloody London Underground. I’m sorry but the paranoid as fuck girl went on the tube by herself and just – I’m so surprised I wasn’t falling to pieces out of worry. I was even talking to the Travel Assistance people on the tube, laughing, and speaking confidently!

When I got to the station where I’d meet them, I felt the largest smile growing on my face because I had done it: I’d got on a tube, been calm, not freaked out or ‘stick-insected’ as Sav likes to call it (rubbing my hands together and shaking). My sister buggered off – coming back for some reason just as Mit and Sav arrived. The bastards had walked right past me before they figured out where I was, doubled back and then we stood together, just talking before we even thought about where we’d go.

The day itself was amazing. It took an age to find the Tube map: Sav and Mit, being idiots – erm I mean, lovely people – eventually found it. “That blue thingy” became the first created inside joke, because the “blue” turned out to be the Piccadilly line – as someone pointed out to us when we were trying to name it.

There were so many highlights. We jumped onto a tube to Lecester Square, walked around, walked around some more and did more walking. The innuendos were on point: we managed to make sweet shops, the Piccadilly Line, food, elbows and magicians seem disturbing.

One especially amazing thing happened. As we were eating outside, a man walked up to me. He said that he was going to be blind soon – immediately, I switched on what I like to call my ‘Elm vibes’ where I become sensitive to others – and he told me that seeing me, laughing with my friends and being happy, gave him courage. Honestly, I nearly sobbed right there, because I indirectly helped a man through a tough time in his life: I told him, “Just please remember that it doesn’t end here – you can still live, and have a life.” After that, we visited Covent Garden Market (I think), managed to walk round in a circle and drank hot chocolate, as well as driving 6 individual people away from us with our screeching innuendos.

Here’s a list of particularly good highlights:
Sav putting “Let me just shove the whole thing into my mouth!” on his Snapchat
Mit finding out Sav’s passcode and posting a suitably Mit-type thing on his Snapchat
Having we like to call a “lap orgy” in the Apple Store, where we all sat on each other’s laps with Sav and Mit doing very suggestive poses
The Titanic =Elm +Mit – TRAGIC selfie taken in said Apple store
Sav and Mit trying to convince each other that they could get ANYBODY’s number and failing ahem ahem
A woman thinking that Sav and Mit were brothers because of this secret-acquiring thing which I can’t tell you because it’s secret
Sav and Mit’s fabulous guiding skills, which they hadn’t forgotten after 6 months
Me screaming with laughter, accidentally hitting both of them and being much too emotional
The magician and his juggling of his 6 balls, something that made Sav and I cry
Too many innuendos to count – I HATE YOU BOTH you’ve corrupted me forever

I think that today will go down in history for me as the day where I was entirely myself, no filters, no bars, no walls up. I waffn’t paranoid, scared, lonely, left out or any negative emotion I usually feel. I was – and am – so so happy. It’s almost a novelty, to have smiled so much today, to feel like I was entirely welcome and part of all of it.

What I love about these two is that they never make you feel stupid for being who you are. They don’t have prejudgements of me, don’t think I’m someone I’m not, and appreciate me more than so many other people do. I love them so much for it; I think they understood that because I injured them both with my extremely painful hugs as I felt so emotional. I’d feel sorry for them, but I’m still pretending to be angry at Mit for running off 10 metres when I said him ceasing to exist would be “annoying”, coming back and making me jump.

It’s not often that I get that glorious, whole feeling, one where everything’s gone as perfect as it could go, where I’ve not only made others happy but also myself. If I hadn’t done this today, I would have been miserable. I needed it, to walk around London in the nipping cold and brief spatterings of rain, to organise myself, laugh and hug people and stand on tip-toes on escalators to pretend to be tall.

Today has lit up a spark inside of me, which I thought was dulled, and that’s all thanks to them. Honestly, I feel like I can share anything with them and it wouldn’t be weird; they don’t see me as the blind one, or the tagalong, third wheel or spare – they see me as me and I’m so grateful for that. I’m not inadequate to them and both of them have such unique personalities, and bring such a refreshing humour to everything that I can’t help but feel included, with my interesting quirks that they seem to just instinctively understand. It may seem strange for this to mean so much, but I know that today was something I’ll never forget as it was a day for me, to love my friends, and really show myself that I could do this.

I can be independent, and with my blogging friends – or ones I met on here – I feel at home. It’s not forced or faked and I don’t have to try too hard – all I have to do is try enough, because my enough is other people’s enough, too.

From Elm 🙂

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37 thoughts on “This Is What I Live For

  1. I feel so stupid, I literally just found out you are blind I guess I’ve only read the posts where’s it’s not talked about or something. Timing is so weird like that man xD I am glad you had a good day!

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