I Actually Enjoyed Shopping?

In my younger years (I sound like an old woman) I was notorious for hating shopping, scorning the thought of myself wearing makeup, and not wanting to go to the effort of going outside to do something for myself – entirely for me. Today, I flipped that on its head, and realised some parts of my personality have changed drastically.

When I’m at my dad’s house, I’m often happier and strive to be independent. Such was the case when my dad asked me on Thursday, “Elm, want to do anything at the weekend? Maybe we could go out on a walk or learn some routes, like going on the bus or something.” I’m blind and so my independence means a lot to me, as it’s abismally low, which meant that I jumped on the opportunity.

“Actually,” I said yesterday when I was transferring from my mum’s to my dad’s, “Can I go out and get some makeup brushes and makeup?” No one was more surprised than I was (except most likely my mum). Over the last year and a half, I’ve steadily warmed to the idea of makeup: I don’t think I’d wear it all the time, but I know it makes me feel confident. Not because of my appearance because I can’t see myself, but it’s a new thing, an extra little add-on that – if I apply it myself – gives me faith in my own abilities, if that makes sense?

After having stayed up until 4 (I still have a pretend grudge against the bloggers I skyped until then) I was exhausted; I woke up at 11, relaxed, had a shower, brushed my hair and made myself feel as relaxed and happy as possible because I knew if I went out today with a bad mindset I’d give up and not want to do what would make me feel better: taking control of myself. I took the first steps to do that by putting perfume on, and wearing clothes that I actually like; it’s little things like these which make me feel secure.

At my stepmother’s insistance, I wasn’t guided by my dad and I walked the (short) distance to the bus stop. I embarrassed myself by not being able to find the card reader thing (I live near London) and getting pissed off, stepping aggressively down the bus and then losing contact with my dad, meaning that I couldn’t find a seat and nearly sat on someone… That was great.

When I arrived at the shops, I got stressed: I knew what I wanted, but I was paranoid I wasn’t getting the right thing. Rapunzel, a close friend of mine, has helped me because I’m literally terrible at everything to do with beauty. I asked her for advice, and used my (limited) skills to find out what I liked.

I bought:
Four brushes from Real Techniques:
• A foundation brush
• Concealer brush
• Shadow brush (for eyeshadow I think
I KNOW NOTHING)
• Powder brush
• Foundation from Bare Minerals
• Perfecting Veil from Bare Minerals
• Two packs of makeup wipes from Boots
• I’m not turning into a beauty blogger; that would be hilarious because me +beauty =disaster

In the midst of shopping, I had to deal with some, errm, emotional panic, so that wasn’t great, but I soon looked over it because I was happy as I was being independent with my actions. Not once did I feel bored, or frustrated at not being able to decide; I spoke to three shop assistants and didn’t feel out of place. They didn’t make me feel like a child.

This afternoon, I learned that it’s okay to change your opinions. It’s alright to go out there, ‘do what you want, and not judge yourself for it. I’ve accepted that I’m intrigued by the thought of makeup, of making myself look a certain way and being able to manipulate that.

All in all? Finding myself makes me feel like I can truly do this. That I can truly express my own personality without screaming at myself for it. You can, too.

From Elm 🙂

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28 thoughts on “I Actually Enjoyed Shopping?

  1. Can totally relate to this! Years ago I wasn’t a big fan of shopping and I was proud of telling everyone I’d never wear make up!! Now I don’t mind shopping as much, it can actually be quite fun to have a day out with friends wandering around the shops. As for make up, I wear it often nowadays too!! Glad you had a good day.

  2. i’ve just recently been warming up to makeup as well, but my friends have started to refer to me as a “closet hippie” bc i refuse to buy anything non organic / vegan and cruelty free 😂😂

  3. Good for you! Relate to this too, the makeup thing at least – it’s a stress and a half shopping for it though, what with all the different brands. But still, if it makes you happy, go for it, not enough people tell us that

  4. Well said, omg!!! I also like makeup, I have to admit, though when I put it on I feel like I look older. Don’t know why??? Anyways, I’ve never worn makeup out of my house, I just think I’m kinda young still, but I enjoy doing it while listening to music and laughing at my awful makeup skills!!
    You don’t need makeup to be more confident, but if it makes you feel good, then you do you!!! XD
    P.S. Loved this post!!

  5. Relate so much! I was completely against make…well and anything girly. And everyday more and more I love trying new things and makeup!☺ I comeptlely love what you said and I agree

  6. Great post, I can relate sooo much! Honestly, this used to be my problem (still is?). I used to hate getting out of the house and trying on clothes when I went cloth shopping! Or even just spending a lot of time in the place where every five minutes a person comes up to you and asks if you need help finding anything… But I guess we all grow up and realize that some things are just necessary to do or we can even enjoy them!

  7. *the weird thing is that I’ve already commented under this post, but my comment it not here…
    Honestly, this really used to be my problem(still is?). I hated getting out of the house to spend hours trying clothes on if I went cloth shopping and getting asked if I need help finding anything every five minutes… But I kind of realized that this is what we have to do! Great post!!

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