Circular Mind | A Poetic Representation of My Mental Health

You hate me
Because I said the one thing that made you
Pause-
"I'm sorry; forgive me," I gasp,
I should staple my mouth shut with a silver clasp
When I said no words-
And that is why
You hate me.

You laugh at me,
With my soul as pure as steel,
My spider's web of broken feelings-
I know this because I hear it,
In my mind,
You as I cry.
That is the reason why
You laugh at me.

You lie to me,
Twisted, words falling from your lips
A lie to satisfy the terror which rips
At me – you don't care,
The creeping fingers of doubt
Claw at me
So it must be that
You lie to me.

I am fake,
I must be happy
If the tears do not fall constantly
My mind conniving, scheming
Because I must be fine
Even when my soul pines
For help-
But no, shut it down because
I am fake.

I cannot think
I cannot feel,
When my mind screams that
Not one thing I think is real-
I collapse, pieces of me
Floating,
And so I know that
My thoughts run in endless circles.
I cannot
Think.

Sometimes, the only way to get my thoughts out is through poetry. This is a short poem but to me, it illustrates how I sometimes feel and think – such as the thoughts that go through my head. I wanted to show, in my writing, that I know these thoughts to be irrational and not based off concrete evidence.

If you ever feel like this, I understand a little of how it is. It's not wrong to want to seek help for feelings of anxiety that you may experience. Feeling anxious or paranoid shouldn't be labelled as attention-seeking – they're very real feelings that affect you; it's okay to accept those as fact. It isn't always just a "phase" or something to "get over".

I'll always be here to talk if you need it.

Love from Elm πŸ™‚

Advertisements

35 thoughts on “Circular Mind | A Poetic Representation of My Mental Health

  1. Elm, I’ve missed your writing SO much! This is just beautiful. So beautiful, I’m in awe. And it’s such a good portrayal of thoughts too.
    I’m super excited to continue reading your posts again. Lots of love, Em xx

    • Eeee thank you!!! Oh my gosh I’ve missed you so so much! Also I saw what you did with your blog and I’m so incredibly proud of you; I will be dropping a comment when I get back this afternoon! ❀️

      • I’ve missed you too!!! I thought you’d probably forgotten who I was by now haha πŸ˜€ It’s so cool to see how much your blog has grown! And thank you so much!! ❀ Xxx

      • No no! I love how you’ve come back – when did you last post on your old one? Oh and did you get a domain name what did you just change your address?

      • I love it πŸ™‚ I didn’t know you could have a .blog domain! That’s so cool. What let you decide to reveal your name and everything like that? Xx

      • Yeah neither did I! All the .com and normal things were taken so it suggested this! And I’m not entirely sure. I’ve been thinking about it for a while. I feel like I can be more open about a lot of things, and now my friends and family can read it which is cool! πŸ™‚ Xx

      • I love that reasoning πŸ™‚ We should have a catch up sometime! And ohh I don’t think I’m brave enough to not be anonymous yet!

  2. This poem is so raw and real and the way you’ve written it is fab as always! I especially love the cyclical nature of each verse because it reflects the thoughts of so many people despite how some of the things we bring ourselves to believe would be considered illogical or unreasonable. And I completely agree with you – our emotions are always valid and if we need the help we should get it πŸ™‚

  3. I’m proud of you Elm, I really am. Your writing is so passionate and so strong That hits me like a rock. I missed this so much, thank you I love your poetry.

What did you think?

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s